hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
