i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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