You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
