Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
