There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
