She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize