why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This is my gift to your gina
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
