It's Friday. Sex?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
