fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
