Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize