They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
