I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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