I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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