my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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