i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
