I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
