Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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