Welp...herpes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
