I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
is that a dick in a sweater?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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