I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
