Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
