her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i've created a new STD.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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