why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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