you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize