Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
