Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
