just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize