there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
