Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
