Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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