Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
