Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
