yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
