i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize