Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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