It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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