ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
