I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
