I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They are going to name an STD after you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
