meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
how drunk are you?
Several
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
