ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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