The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
