you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
