im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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