I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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