We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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