the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
