I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
