just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize