More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
