my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
