I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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