I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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