I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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