Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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