I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
