I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
