I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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