I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
