They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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