I wish I could punch you in the face.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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