we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We are all done wearing pants today
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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