This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize