when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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