i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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