I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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