so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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