I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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