So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
